Dear summer #8
It's been a hell of a night and a sad day. Gray, boring and no matter who I have met, I felt nothing for them. Even around to the family, I felt empty and heartless. It was a long time since I felt like this, I know a way to handle my emotions and keep them in check for most days, but now, I just couldn't do it any longer. Lying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling stuck in an unnatural world. Call me a dreamer, a loner or a person with depression. But I'd rather live 9 times out of 10, in my fantasy world than in my boring and sad reality. I remember how I one year asked you summer, to change my reality. Make it more fun, interesting and full of love. You did, with my help of course. Nothing happens if I myself, don't do anything about it. Exept, I didn't know that this mental illness was going to be such a big deal, something that I can't control more that 80% of my time. What about the other 20% that are left behind? That's right, they are left behind because I can't control them, I can't be the person I want, because those 20% left, are a part of me too. A peice of myself that I'm not able to control in a way that I want, so instead of keeping it all together like the 80% does, it breaks me. So, once again. A few years later I ask you summer to please make me happy so that I can keep my feelings in check. I want to enjoy and embrace this summer. Not dislike it and wanting it to end like last year.
